Reputation: 2 pts
I will be half-writing my experience and the other half will be written by Red who shared the same experience. We are writing this to record it for those who may have a similar experience, and are wondering if any of you have heard, read, or have any theory as to how, or why this happened. Red isn't into Magick, I've been teaching her mediation techniques as of late but she is largely inexperienced when it comes to understanding a systematic, scientific approach to Magick.
It's hard to write about something so abstract, it felt as if my entire body switched into a different personality. My personal history was still there, I was just a different person. If you look at Carroll's ideas of pan-psychism one might say my dominating or 'most prevalent magickal personality' was replaced with someone else's. Not only did I have a different personality, I thought and looked at things in completely different ways very suddenly, and this new personality wasn't unfamiliar, it was Red's. I saw through her eyes, felt what she felt, and thought how she thought. The strangest part was the fact that my brain had nothing to do with the sudden change, the thoughts I once had were no longer a part of my psyche and I couldn't recall how I used to think. I couldn't, or didn't care how the change took place in a very subtle way, it was as if movement for that (or those) being(s) was quite natural, as if they were quite used to moving about and this was simply a new home for it, them or what ever you'd like to call them. I previously did not believe in the soul, I consider myself an agnostic magician.
Alrighty, hey guys. Like C said before, I am not, by any means, what one would call a magician. My knowledge is rudimentary at best, though I am able to keep an open mind. I wouldn't call myself a skeptic, but if I hadn't have lived this experience myself, I would have a hard time believing it possible. It began quickly, sort of a smooth transition into a different mind-set. Everything prior had been relatively normal, pleasant. Happy emotions and feelings all around. As we lay in bed talking and digesting the events of the day, the first thing I noticed was a growing focus in my mind. Things felt focused and filed compactly, neatly. Everything around me felt amplified, sort of negatively. Being a highly emotional female, changes in my state of mind are usual, but this wasn't identifiable or immediately recognizable. I noticed the trees outside of the window: normally still and wildly beautiful, even the slightest movement caught my eye and i found no comfort in patterns or shapes within their branches: there were none. Every noise seemed thunderous, the clicking of the cats paws on the hardwood floor, sounds from the neighbors, far away cars, movement downstairs. Mostly I felt annoyed. I wanted to mediate, I wanted to sleep. Stranger than anything though, I wanted, *needed* a cigarette. Background info here, I am not a smoker. Occasionally a clove sounds good (feel free to slap my wrist for sounding pretentious) and very, very occasionally, the smell of Coyote smoking is nice, but in general, I don't like the smell, the taste or the act. Just not my poison of choice. Anyway, I felt the urge so strongly I considered walking downstairs, grabbing one, and sitting on the porch to regard the night sky and smoke. Que my shock and slight horror when I came to the realization that I was...Coyote? What?! Thoughts were racing here, but not in my normal circular way, these thoughts were focused, sharp, like a web of logic and reason that fed off of one another smoothly. Very odd. Then with slight amusement, I looked over. I was still frustrated, tired, slightly annoyed in general at the stimuli overload... but the person in bed next to me wasn't Coyote... it was me! In his body? I could tell by the lilt in his voice, (the same one I use when chatting animatedly before sleeping), I knew the desire he was feeling to wiggle his toes, I recognized the slight giggle caught in his throat, making every word seem lively. I noticed the way he looked up at the branches above out heads, the same way I did every night; like they were the most beautiful thing in the world. Weirder yet were his facial expressions. Usually narrowed and focused, his face seemed warped in a sort of doe-eyed innocence that is signature to my face. An amused half grin on his lips. We were coming to the same conclusion at about the same instant, and started to talk about it. He asked "what was it like when I thought about magick?" he noted that he scarcely could at all. My responses surprised me, less wordy than normal, less emotional. All I wanted was to mediate. And I did! What surprise! Clarity and calm rushed over me; my mind quiet and my body perfectly, comfortably still. Breathing deep and slow, I was able to feel my energetic body quickly and more intensely than ever before, and almost effortlessly, too! This was exciting, but not enough so to break the calm. He started to fall asleep, but then placed a hand on my chest. I thought it simply a loving gesture, if not a little annoying. "Stop touching me, I want to think, I want to escape into this new world of thought and improved concentration."
I was a ball of energy, my thoughts were a fuzz of causality and spontaneity. I felt incredibly emotional too, especially after I figured out what happened. I wanted to cry. The feelings I had were intense, I could feel them start in my chest and radiate out to the rest of my body, tingling. First I wanted to cry, not because I was sad but because THIS JUST HAPPENED and it was beautiful. As a person with a logical mind, it's difficult to put into words the moment when I noticed we had switched pieces of our personalities, psyches, bodies, but whatever it was, I was sharing it with the person I love, we were experiencing each-other. I felt emotional, I was excited, and when I got excited the feeling overcame me and I couldn't hold still, I had to move, I started giggling. Things didn't feel as separate as they normally do, everything was connected, interlinked. I recognized Red inside of me, which was entirely bizarre but also comforting. I was ecstatic. I was just... happy, my body felt happy. I looked at the trees and saw the shapes between the branches, I was curled up, comfortable and content, my face was relaxed, even my voice was different, softer. Looking at Red, lying on her back, breathing the way I normally breathe, still and looking up at the ceiling, motionless, it dawned on me that we had switched bodies. This realization brought me to a place of joy: we were experiencing something impossible; I had never heard of anything like this (and I have experienced many very weird, very strange things) I wanted to hold her, to be close, I reached over to her expecting to feel my own body. With her mindset, the want to touch, to be physically close held a lot more weight. It seemed incredibly important. I felt her annoyance and felt like I was bothering her. I told her laughingly "I'll go ahead and let you meditate now!" At this point I grudgingly tried to grasp as much as I could (from a different perspective) how this might have happened, but my thinking was different. My mind was filled with a completely different process, and I had a great deal of difficulty sorting through my mind to find the right information. Thinking about why the switch happened or how it was possible felt unnecessary and I really didn't care about it. I was filled with a completely new feeling and an energy unfamiliar. One of the most peculiar things was the fact that my concept of time was completely changed, there was only the "now" and how I felt. I finally started communicating with the recesses of an unfamiliar mind, (very strange to say or even think that my own mind was unfamiliar.) I touched Red's chest to extract the essence that was mine. I didn't think at the time that I also had something of hers. The only way I can explain energy in words is that I 'took' what was mine, the 'energetic muscle memory' was there. At this point I felt the most extreme energy sensation I've ever felt in all of my time working with energies, if you believe in soul, or soul-energy then imagine two in one place. Imagine all the energy you work with is an extension of this thing (this soul, I guess) and I had two in me. The moment it left Red's body into mine, my fabric of reality turned inward towards the energetic, I was no longer a human I was two thinking, feeling spheres orbiting one another. My reality-vision faded and what occupied our field of vision were these two spheres of brilliant color, pulsating feeling, breathing, expressing to one another the abstraction and beauty of existence. The spheres orbited closer together and my ego spoke in defiance, it knew if we didn't give back the soul Red would just be a shell, though Red would still exist, and may exist closer to me than ever before I didn't want to do that to her; or I guess my ego didn't want to do that to her ego? I don't know. The whole of it was very abstract.
Without exchanging words, I felt that mind-set slip away, though my "normal" did not return to me for about 5 minutes or so. During this time, I felt drained and emotionally empty. Not the emptiness one would feel when somethings missing, nor the apathy associated with depression. It was more of a void: completely deprived of energy, emotion, thoughts came slowly in verbal waves. I felt exhausted, but still clutched with uncharacteristic insomnia. When I "came back" into myself (that's the only way I can think to word it?) I was clutched with a giggle fit that would impress even the silliest of school girls. My toes wiggled with excitement, my voice bubbled with happiness and my thoughts came back in their circular, comfortable and fuzzy fashion. I consider myself an intelligent human - I am able to think beyond myself, to learn, to consider the impossible. But in comparison to the way I had felt immediately prior, I don't know... think of a soft lens on a camera as opposed to a sharp focus. In any matter, I was elated and tremendously happy to be back in my comfortable and familiar psyche. As I leaned to cuddle Coyote, I felt the tenseness of his muscles, and knew he was back, too. Smiling, with the cigarette craving gone and no longer in the clutches of sleeplessness, I finally fell asleep.
Coyote - End Note
I was wondering if any of you might be able to explain this, I have two theories but I don't want to put them on here to avoid influencing your ideas, thoughts, what-have-you. I've experienced weird shit before, and this blows the brains out of each and every one of them (including spontaneous physical manifestation of organic creatures on multiple occasions). I forgot to mention that neither one of us are on any prescription drugs nor do we use any mind-altering substances, I guess I needed to say that.
Red - End Note
I don't know what else to say, other than I think we both feel closer to one another. Not just an emotional closeness, but a sort of innate understanding of the other. Watching myself from a different perspective, in a different body (woah) also gave me a better understanding of myself. Overall a terribly strange experience, but I'm happy that I was able to live it, and even more surprised that I am able to remember it as clearly as I do. What do you all think?
"Any sufficiently advanced form of magick will appear indistinguishable from science"