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 Carrying A Knife An The Dirty Logic, What it's meant to me.
post Aug 19 2013, 02:15 AM
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I've carried a pocket knife since i was 4 years old, every day of school an college and in any un-uniformed job other than about 4 years of being insane an a few years their after to be sure..

I didn't think much about it at the time, it was a choice, it went something like this..
My father gave me a pen-knife an said.. 'never leave the house with this an definitely don't take it to school'
I asked why an he said 'because if everyone carried one this would be a much more dangerous world and besides, if you get into a fight it could get used against you', good logic i'm sure you'll agree.
I wasn't happy with it though, to me that meant i was purposefully being less capable because other people were less responsible and if i started being like that now, when would it end?

To be less capable because others aren't willing to be more capable.
Unacceptable in my young eye's, so i decided i would take it an just never tell anyone i didn't trust.
The decision came and once made more had to follow.
What conditions would i set myself for it's use?
So i decided that i'd only use it if my long-term physical well-being were ever at real threat.
An to only use it for a purpose, not just to make me feel better. Sorted.

I got into a fair-few fights in my years growing up, i stood up for myself an others but luckly enough my conditions where never met so to this day i've never used it in aggression.

I'm telling you this as i think these life-choices effected me in a variety of generally positive ways.

1) I made a choice to be responsible with my own power and not to let other peoples irresponsibility's dis-empower me, carrying the symbol of that choice with me.
2) I took with me the power of decisive ability through all my education.
Adversely this may have been why i was perceived to be rather academically ungifted,
3) I didn't display my powers to show off or otherwise satisfy my ego, maybe why i didn't talk well with anyone i hadn't grown to trust. I couldn't seem to talk for the purpose of making people think better of me.

I still had lots of friends but looking back, if i had any idea of the true effect of that choice i made while i was at school an desperately trying to show off but being unable an un-recognised..
I'd have left it at home.

I'm glad i didn't though. It's shaped who i am like the piece of raw magick that it was.

A series of decisions made as best i could and having faith in them.
You can't teach that shit, it comes as a defiance to what it taught.

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