I am searching for a better idea of what might have recently happened to me.
As I sometimes do I absent mindedly drew the sigil of Gremory in my notebook, just trying to remain calm at work and focused. Just doodling. A few days later, things are going great. I'm hunting for an apartment, a promotion opportunity opened up at work. Yesterday morning I recall a post on these boards about how a spirit (particularly one of the Geotia) could work its way into your mind. And I started worrying, could the recent turn of events, which I attributed to just my hard work, have been affected by my minor obsession with this spirit. Not a minute from the office I thought to myself, "No, I want my successes to me just that- my successes!" And would you know it, that very second, I was rear ended.
Now the backstory. I became aware of the Goetia from a comic book, Repossessed, about demon hunters. Gremory was featured in it. For some reason my subconscious grabbed onto the image of him and I looked him up. I thought the sigil looked cool, so I practiced drawing it. Just for fun. Then I came to this forum and read about evocation and read how serious these matters really are.
I never thought about demon worship or bargains except in Dungeons & Dragons (ie, harmless... I think.) But someone here had asked about it. I read that post and my thoughts wandered a lot. What would it be like, ect. And I fear somewhere in my mind a connection was made. I heard a sharp retort to my thoughts: "I don't want a berserker." I wrote it down, freaked out, and dated it for future reference (this was around 2013).
Now, I had real anger problems in the past, but I am over those now and I am really turning a new leaf; making great strides towards independence and personal success. Between then and now I would draw the sigil, again absentmindedly, just because I liked looking at it and it made me feel better. Like drawing spirals, which is calming. Until recently, when that aforementioned sense of paranoia and superstition crept inside of my thoughts.
I recall in the same "Demon Worshiping" thread that someone here mentioned how, most likely, an eager worshiper would actually get a minor spirit, a trickster even, and not a major spirit like a Duke. So I'm not saying that I did contact the spirit in question, but given your experiences, did I contact something? Or am I just paranoid and superstitious.
I am sure that some of you on this board will say, "Yes" and some will say, "No". I asked a group of Hellenistics once if the Greek gods were sending me signs. I had made a few libations to Apollo and had started seeing obelisks in places I hadn't seen them before. Like statues and rock formations. They said, "No, a god wouldn't stoop to that level." I stopped making libations (I had only made a few.) The next day my dad was in a car accident (a coincidence with my latest accident, I'm sure. I hope. That's a cold way to send a message.) But what I'm saying is that I am open to both opinions, but I'm already on edge about the possible "Yes" responses.
In the mean time I am curbing my thoughts about him as much as I can. But ideas still pop up sometimes, like how if I could ask a Goetia for something. I'd be a warrior. And my mind wanders to what it would be like to be a warrior spirit... in hell. Not seriously, of course, but my imagination is pretty strong. Do you think its gotten me in trouble?
Thanks for your time.
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