My experiences have been interesting to say the least. I will keep it very short:
I dedicated near summer 2004. My goal was to reach Japan and live there with a good career. This was what I wanted.
By 2005, after living with other satanists, we all became disenchanted with satanism. Too many weird experiences to make sense of. Plus, of the others I stayed with, one was an ego-tripper, and I suspect the other was possibly schizopherenic, possibly just plain crazy. He claims to have heard voices from the astral.
During 2005, I completely dissociated with Spiritual Satanism. I didn't see the point anymore. I was not getting results. Plus, I went through many confusing experiences which deluded me further.
2006, I can hardly speak of, simply that I lived in a state of complete absent-mindedness (no, not from drugs, but from spiritual and intellectual sloth).
2007, I started studying again, and kept studying magick and philosophy until the end of 2008.
Beginning of 2009, I began to try to look for ways to nullify my blood contract. Why worship Satan/Lucifer/Enki/Whoever? If the whole point of Spiritual Satanism was to become one's own sense of support, why would I need to worship another being for it? What's more, looking back, I thought, what's the point of enlisting this "Satan's" help if I could have done this on my own effort, anyway?? So, I decided to proceed with investigating ways to cancel the contract. I received no lasting psychic advancement, and I received no progress when I was loyal to the LHP way. Anything I gained was quickly lost after some unfortunate incidents. Seeing as how the contract was unfulfilled, I resolved to do everything in my power to nullify the contract.
I found a source, somewhere, on how to do it, but it still needs to be cross-referenced:
According to Saint Alphonso Maria de Ligouri (1696-1787), it is possible to break a pact with Satan, even if it has been signed in blood.
The following steps must be followed:
* Renounce and abjure any contract with Satan.
* Destroy all writings, talismans, charms, etc., connected with the black art.
* Burn the written contract, or declare you regret and reject it.
* Make restitution for any harm done, insofar as is possible.
I don't know if this is a historical fact or not, but I wished to give it a try.
Funny fact: about $500-750 worth of books, candles, items, and other occult goods were thrown away by my mother and fundamentalist relatives. It's almost like this whole thing played out on it's own. (step 2) The contract burned at the dedication. (Step 3) I apologized for being excessively eccentric, or at least tried to, to all my friends and former acquaintances that I may have creeped out. Also, I do my best to enlighten people about how they can rely on themselves instead of having to fulfill a spiritual contract of any sort. (step 4) Step 1 is a given, otherwise I would not have done all this, nor any of this happen.
On the other hand, I do find it to be humorously ironic if what I sought was to be my own entity with no ties to anything else, completely independent... and here I am now completely dissociated from any and all religious systems, and completely silent with all pantheons. Be careful what you wish for.
Conversely, in retrospect, I see myself as a good embodiment of a true LHP follower: True to believing in the power of self-reliance. At this time, I don't know what powers influence my life. In all honesty, if they (RHP entities, or LHP entities, or any non-aligned, WHOEVER, I don't really know) wanted to take credit for the guiding forces in my life, they would have sought me
out for it, not the other way around.
So far, nothing and no one has stepped forward, or confronted me. I feel as if I am on my own. Ok, I'll stop here. This is your
post, not my blog. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/13.gif
)This post has been edited by Xenomancer: Jun 15 2009, 11:18 PM