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entry Aug 10 2006, 11:25 AM
Ok, aside from all the bull crap this weekend with the "uber" christian views *cough*..I had a great time and learned something valuable. Now this is great word of advice, Do what you love, but more importantly WHY.

After the wedding, my family retreated to a nice little party room back at the bride and grooms apartment (small wedding..60 people so we really didn't need to rent anything extravagant). Now, whilst everyone mingled together, introductions were exchanged and people greeted each other, there was a small table in back..yep...waayy in the corner. That's where I sat. Those who joined me were my brother, my second cousin Ellen and her husband Eric and my husband. Now, what made this occasion so wonderful is that we all "clicked". My brother is an artist for wizards of the coast, Ellen wrote a couple books for TSR and her husband is an editor and worked with Keith Parkinson (who sadly past away recently..*sighs*)and me? Well, I've gotten published and had done some work for Kalan (and have been contemplating doing stuff for wizards) but still feel an empty spot inside me.

Now, many people are under the impression that if you are a published author/artist/so on so forth..people LOVE you and automatically RESPECT you. I'm here to debunk that entire theory with a massive BULLSHIT! No one even noticed us walking through the door, or even acknowledged the fact that any of us had done these works. The only people who gave us any respect were each other. Now, it hit me as I sat at that table listening to my brother's very colorful stories, that if you think people will love you for something you've done or are, you're sorely mistaken. You have to love yourself, thus why you have to do it because you love it, not because you want people to love you. Chances are, people will more likely than not, think you are weird and try to avoid you. Nothing personal, but if you've done something they can't, you intimidate them..or, they just think you are one of "those" people and try not to talk to you. By doing something of this magnitude you have essentially crossed a boundary they are comfortable with and have excommunicated yourself from their area of comfort.

Yes, I know what you're thinking..."but I want people to like me..I want them to finally love me for me!" Well, sorry but...keep waiting. Truth is, if you have to change who you are, or if you think becoming something grand and spectacular will finally get their appreciation you have to ask yourself if you'd really be happy in the end anyhow. Why would you chance changing yourself into something you hate just so someone will like you? Are they even deserving of your friendship anyhow? Seriously..a friend of mine said it the best..."it is better to be hated for something you are..than loved for something you are not!"

I may draw half naked women and not the cutesy crafty teddy bears my mother wants, but I'm happy. I may paint demonesque looking entities and not the wildlife my step-father wants, but I'm happy. I may practice the occult out of my 2nd story apartment and not attend church like my whole family wants, but I'm happy. (Seriously, think about what you would have to become in order for people to like you and you'll automatically loathe wouldn't love who you've become.) Sure, my family will think I'm weird and have a very biast opinion of me and think I paint nothing but bleeding eyeballs on the wall (tell you the truth I did that highschool!..and they think that's ALL I do.) but, so what!? I'm not going to waste my time explaining myself to them, specially when all they care about is changing who I am so they can feel comfortable with me. It's good to be who you are and do what you love, revel in the weirdness that is if you'll excuse me I'm going to go paint a naked fat man in front my toilet...hehehehe..

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