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entry Dec 3 2009, 08:12 AM
What follows is the entry that I out in my journal upon awakening this morning. I would love to hear any comments, ideas, similar experiences, etc...

Thursday, December 03

These are further notes from yesterday. I was having trouble going to sleep, so I decided to try the relaxation ritual again in bed. It was late in the 11 PM hour, and I really wanted to sleep but could not. I visualized the “golden ball of light” and went through the relaxation exercise without the aid of the tape. This time, while I still couldn't “see” the ball of light, I could feel its warmth around my feet...actually feel it, warm and relaxing. When I moved the ball of light, the warmth and relaxation spread just as it should. This time, the shoulder pain and lower back pain vanished. Again, I was able to become very relaxed, as though every part of my body was heavy. I was very satisfied with the results of the relaxation exercise.

As I lay there in bed, relaxed, I decided to see if I could see with my eyes closed and started “looking around the room” mentally. At first, all I could see were shadows or shades of things. The curtains in the window, the TV on the chest of drawers, my hand when I raised it up a couple of feet in front of my face. I gave a thumbs up, the shadow did the same in real time. I made other movements and the shadow followed. Satisfied, I lay there and let my mind go blank. That's when the pictures started to come...actual pictures. I saw at first a circle, the circle became a gear, and all of a sudden there were many gears turning in front of my face as though I were inside a watch or clock or something. I watched as they turned, looking at them in vivid detail....I could see the teeth of the gears, machined holes in the metal (they were bronze colored) the directions that they turned. This is probably the clearest mental picture I have ever seen while conscious. Shortly after the “vision of the gears” is when the voices came. At this point, I figure I was semi-unconscious. It was a female voice that was whispering something to sounded like someone talking on a cell phone in a large bathroom.

I couldn't make out what she was saying, but whatever it was, she was serious about it. It was whispering but forceful, like someone whispering “Quiet!” in a library although whatever she was saying was not that. It seemed to be a phrase or sentence maybe five or six words long, but I couldn't tell what it was. Other voices came, both male and female and they too whispered...I could make out words here and of the words was “Mage” another voice told me “You're not that great” as plain as day. Then another shrieked at me. It was shortly after this that I fell asleep. I do not remember any dreams.

This experience is a strange one to me. The visualization of the gears seems to me to be less than substantive although very vivid and detailed. It is encouraging in the respect that I now understand better how clear and sharp an image made in the mind can appear. The voices on the other hand almost seemed to be trying to discourage me. I wish I could have understood them better, although at this stage it is probably for the best that I could not. I do not have a history of hearing voices, so I don't think I'm schizophrenic. I hadn't taken any drugs, prescription or otherwise and I am not on any medication other than blood pressure medication. It could be an aural hallucination, but these voices were as real as any I've ever heard. At this point, I am leaning toward “astral garbage,” but I have decided that it is now time to go ahead and add the LBRP to my daily work along with the Tarot Contemplation Ritual even if I do have to use crib notes.

Same day

Quick notes on tonight's activities:

Total disaster. Mind racing and finding it hard to concentrate. Note to self: do Tarot Contemplation AFTER relaxation, or at a different time altogether. The card I drew tonight was #9 - The Hermit. Contemplated that card for several minutes and then my mind would not stop, ending up somewhere in the Gnostic Gospels. Strange, Going down for attempt #2....gotta get some sleep and go to work tomorrow.

entry Dec 2 2009, 08:57 AM
I thought it would be fun and interesting to post my notes from my ritual diary as I try to progress through the lessons in the book I'm using as an introduction to the Kabbalah and Ritual Magick. It will run a day behind most likely. I just did a copy and paste from my notes, so... blablabla.gif Any comments or suggestions are absolutely welcome.

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Today I consider to be the first in my formal practice of Ritual Magick, following the course outlined in Donald Michael Kraig's book, Modern Magick.

Being ill with a sore throat, relieving me of my obligation to go to work, and having the convenience of being able to spend the day with little interruption, I began the Relaxation Ritual as outlined within the book. What follows are the results of this meditation.

I chose the guided meditation from the tapes that go with the book today. Unfortunately, I am not aware of the time that I started the ritual, but it was in the morning hours, probably between the hours of 8 and 9a.m. I will do a better job of notating the actual time of day in future logs.

I found some difficulty in actually visualizing the “golden ball of light” that is used to spread relaxation throughout the body. However, I did achieve a state of extreme relaxation. It was during this relaxed state that I was able to make the appropriate visualizations better, if you can call it that. The author of the book states that if you can't actually see the ball of light, that is OK, just know that it is there. I can say for certain that I achieved that, and suspect that I came very close to actually seeing it with my eyes closed on another plane of existence. I often hear people refer to “The Mind's Eye,” and have had my own ideas about what that actually is. I can't be 100% certain, but my best attempt to describe my experience with it today is the creation of a picture in the mind that is invisible, yet very real and detailed. I couldn't see the picture, but I could “almost see it.” I am hoping that with practice, future attempts will reveal the entire picture from a visual or dream-like perspective. In other words, I think that future work in this area will bring the ability to see the picture formed in my head quite clearly. Today, it was more of a strong sense that it was there, I knew what it was, I just couldn't lift the veil to see it visually.

I have decided to go ahead and catch up the blog with the diary in real time. Here are the results for today:

Wednesday, December 02, 09

Relaxation Ritual Results

Today's relaxation exercise went OK, but not as well as my first attempt yesterday. I am chalking it up to being sicker today than yesterday with my cold, but it could also be the difference in time of day. Today's exercise was done in the early evening hours between 3 and 5 PM as opposed to yesterday's early morning attempt. I had (and still have) some tension in my right shoulder. It seemed that no matter how much I tried to send the energy to that spot, the tension wouldn't completely go away. I also had more trouble with the visualization. I don't count today's attempt as a total failure since I was able to achieve a satisfactory sense of relaxation. Although the shoulder tension remained throughout, it did seem to feel somewhat better. I just couldn't shake it. As time has worn on, (a couple of hours since) the tension is getting worse again.

Tonight, I intend to move on to the second chapter of the DMK book and will most likely add at least the Tarot Contemplation Ritual to my work tomorrow. I am really looking forward to the LBRP. I have the intonations memorized for the most part, and I need to work on the visualization that goes along with it as well as the proper movements. I might have a few more days before I begin formal practice on the LBRP, but I will be going through it and memorizing it over the next few days to a week until I can do it without a cheat sheet.


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